Sister Beck

Okay, I have had a few days to review conference both in my mind and on our recording, and I think I'm ready to document a few of those thoughts and impressions. I had decided originally to write solely in my journal, as it seems something of a more personal nature, but I'm afraid I do better on goals where there is some accountability rendered. So although nobody may read this but myself, the very thought somebody else in cyberspace may know of my efforts will motivate me to achievement. And if anyone does read it, well... I guess that's okay.

Although there were many noteworthy talks given, and a few like Elder Wirthlin's that will likely be considered landmark, Sister Beck's talk, "Women who know" touched things in my heart I didn't realize were there. I wish I could count myself completely among the women who felt entirely up to the task of perfect motherhood, and that my children weren't throwing skittles at each other on the floor and that the dishes in the sink had been done on the day of her talk. Maybe the confusion added to the extremity of emotions I felt during her message. However, there was a part of me that felt refreshed, invigorated and empowered - because if Sister Beck said it could all be done, and must be done, it would be done and I could do it. As I've pondered her words over the past couple of days, between her talk and Elder Oaks' talk on prioritizing, I've felt courage and strength pour into my heart and make me a new and better person than I was just last week, and I think that feeling I had has become more powerful than it was even at first, and I feel good about that.

I had the blessing of attending the Women's meeting at the conference center this year for the first time ever (although I grew up in utah) and was touched by the counsel and encouragement offered. Sister Beck gave a similar talk there, encouraging women to prioritize and to do without fail those things most important. I felt insecure and intimidated, honestly, feeling as though I had a huge mountain to climb before me, and struggled but for a minute with those thoughts of inferiority - okay, let's face it, I panicked. Then the Spirit turned my eyes to president Hinckley sitting there an I flashed back to an MTC choir years ago when I stood within touching distance of the prophet and sang Joseph Smith's First Prayer. On that day, I felt as if I could do anything our Prophet asked me to do, and I would be happy to accomplish any small task. I resolved in the conference center that although I felt inferior to the task of being "that" mother, if President Hinckley needed me to do it, I would do it for Him. I would do it for my children, I would do it for my husband.

I feel so blessed to be surrounded by such amazing and insightful people who illuminate my life with powerful examples of Jesus Christ, and who lead me and guide me by their simple acts back to Him. I may struggle and I may have days that are harder than others, but ultimately I love my Heavenly Father, and I love those who represent Him, so I'll do it for them.

I guess, when it all comes down to it, this is why we all love conference weekend. The rote traditions, the conference BINGO charts and family time are wonderful, but it seems as though each conference delivers a different message to me personally, and I walk away from the meeting with a changed heart and a greater focus to become Good.