Robins

The robins are back in Saint Louis. Did you know robins are migratory? I'd thought that, but it seems we often see them in winter here and today looked up the reason why. There are at least two reasons we see them what seems like all winter long. First, apparently the majority do migrate, but some species stay and hope for the best in being able to find food where the others have vacated. Next, the robins' natural habitat covers most latitudes in the United States, so people often see them coming and going on their way to wherever it is they're heading. When you look at migratory maps based simply on robin sightings they seem jumbled as to when they're coming and going. Recently scientists figured out a better way to track the robins - by their song. Robins only sing when they've arrived at home. Now isn't that interesting? It's still really cold here, despite the warm spell last week, but I walked out this morning and noticed even in the icy air the sound of a robin singing. Welcome back little guys. :-)

Our family is doing well. Everyone is healthy and happy, I think, although we're all getting anxious for some sunshine these days.

Erick's in middle school and just starting his final trimester of sixth grade. It's been a learning curve for us both and although I've embarrassed him more than once, I think we'll make it through. He wants to grow his hair a little longer these days and spends an inordinate amount of time on his ipod playing Clash of Clans, where apparently he's the sixth grade king at his school and others cozy up to get him to send them items they need in the game. I guess everyone needs a claim to fame. He did make the honor roll again last semester, and is getting better at keeping track of homework and due dates. He's had some growing experiences with friends and teachers this year, spent his first week away from home at sixth grade camp, and discovered he loves choir and hates clay pottery. Ask him about his ipod holder sometime. He has no interest in basketball or tennis, but loves to play soccer and swim. He's begrudgingly taking piano lessons although I think he enjoys being able to play. I keep telling him in college the girls will really think he's a catch if he keeps it up, but I may need to set my sights a little closer because although to me college is akin to tomorrow, it's another world away to a 12 year old boy. He and Justin also spent some quality time last fall hiking to Havasupai Falls in Arizona, and Erick considers it one of his greatest memories ever. I think all in all, the year has been good to Erick and middle school has been a success.

Izzie is in fourth grade this year, and we got a real chuckle last night out of the difference between her kindergarten and fourth grade pictures. She's really grown up so much! She's in her second year of violin at school and has plans to play with a friend for the school talent show next week. Cross your fingers, folks! She's a mover and a shaker, that Iz, and absolutely has to get some outside time in every day. She's becoming more confident all the time, too, and has started testing limits a little as to what she can and cannot say or do and get away with. Granted, she's always done that a little, but I see her becoming more bold as she grows into the big personality the came with. She'd like to be doing gymnastics, volleyball, swim team, soccer, training to be an olympic bobsledder and running for president all at the same time. She was the anchor on her soccer team this past fall and is looking forward to the swimming season coming up. Her arthritis has remained in a state of medicated remission, for which we are grateful, but the swelling has never gone down in her right knee. I guess that's just the name of the game, and she's glad nobody but me really notices. Izzie loves to create and do craft projects, and although at first it was her idea to do storebought valentines this year, after handing them out she confided she liked making them better so we'll go back to that next year. She also makes her own valentine boxes every year, on February 1st. She has this crazy internal clock she absolutely sticks to. She's also a fantastically responsible babysitter.

Audrey is in the thick of elementary school in second grade - not the youngest in the school but far from the oldest, where you feel like you'll be there forever. She left for school this morning with no fewer than ten rainbow loom bracelets on one arm that literally stretched from her wrist to almost her elbow, and she coordinates them. Sometimes she wears blues, sometimes it's rainbow, and sometimes it's another color. She has a huge collection of rubber band jewelry and loves, loves LOVES to accessorize. Audrey is fascinated with my jewelry box and asks often to borrow pieces to match her outfits. She has her own fashion sense and is much hipper than any of the rest of us when it comes to pulling things together. She takes enormous amounts of pride in her long blonde hair and thankfully lets me braid and do it fairly regularly, fulfilling a long time dream of my own. ;-)  She's turning eight in April and can hardly wait to be included in Activity Days with the rest of the older primary girls, to get her ears pierced, and has asked me every year for three years now for church shoes with heels. She's still wearing flats, I told her when she was ten but we'll see. She's also very loving and cuddly and will not leave for school or let me leave for anywhere else without running over for a goodbye hug. She loves to snuggle and can't get enough of playing with Emilie. I think they actually have a lot in common, so it will be interesting despite their age difference to see what happens as they get older. I do hope they'll be close. She skips, dances and twirls with abandon and told me last week after the olympics what she really wants to be is an ice dancer.

Matt is my little buddy this year as he's not in preschool but will be heading to kindergarten in the fall. He's so excited he could pee his pants thinking about it, and we ordered him a backpack online the other day to match the lunch box he has all ready to go. He's reading and writing, doing addition and subtraction and telling me about the solar system so I suspect he'll be off like a shot when it gets here. For now we're enjoying the last few months of hanging out. We like to play at parks, go to the library, play wii, and we spend a lot of time running errands. Matt is a very sensitive, sweet soul who doesn't take himself seriously and loves to laugh. His prayers have gotten increasingly longer these days and usually include a lot of "blessings", including "bless us that we can not jump or climb on the couch, bless us to feel the Spirit and the Holy Ghost, bless us to be like Heavenly Father, bless us that we can not kick or punch, and bless us so we can always be a family and never get lost." I'm not sure where the last one came from, but it's pretty adorable. He talks to himself sometimes when he's playing, something I think he gets from me but I'd never realized it was hereditary. For example, I can hear him right now playing something on the iPad and whispering "Taco Tuesday" over and over. It's from the Lego Movie we saw last week. Last Christmas I got a kick out of hearing him say "Clark, is your house on fire?" in the other room. He keeps us laughing and told me the other day he hoped someday he would die laughing because he couldn't think of anything he liked to do more. I could hug on him all day.

Emilie Jane is getting to be so big! She was added to our family in July 2013, and I say daily I am so glad she's here, because it was a near miss for us and I can't imagine our family without her sweet smile. She's almost eight months old and is rolling everywhere she'd like to be. No crawling yet, but if you pick her up she will definitely try to grab your cheeks and we all have Emilie's claw marks somewhere on our bodies. She's not a huge smiler or giggler, but she really is pretty chill most of the time. I don't think she's unhappy or unpleasant in the least, but she likes to just watch what's going on around her and take it all in. She has a wild flop of hair on top and a rat tail in the back that's probably 4" long and the rolls on her legs and wrists are absolute perfection. Her favorites are bananas, asparagus, watching the fishtank, going for rides in the car and pooping in the tub. I've never seen so much poop happen outside of a diaper, but I hope that bodes well and not ill for potty training someday. She likes it when I sing and adores her Baby Mozart movie. She squeals with delight at the opening sounds. She also is just starting to sleep through the night like a champ. She's been getting up once at night for a while, but this week has slept from 7-7 a few times so we're optimistic. No teeth yet, but a lot of chewing going on. Usually she goes down easily on her own for naps, but sometimes she needs company and if just stay in there with her and sit in the chair until she falls asleep, she's good. It's pretty cute and I love being so simply needed. She truly has no idea how lucky she is to have so many people so crazy in love with everything she does, but we love having a baby again and I often don't want to do anything but play with her and kiss her cheeks while I have the chance.

In 2012 when we decided the Lord wanted us to have another baby, Justin and I had recently lost a bunch of weight, were putting our finances in order and I felt for the first time in a lot of years I was getting life in general under control. I felt like ME again for the first time in probably ten years, although I don't know how to explain that better. I prayed to know just what the Lord needed me to do next, and to know that my life plans were acceptable to Him, and that night I had a clear dream of a little baby girl crawling around our house who I didn't recognize but knew was mine. I woke Justin and cried because I knew my answer but was terrified and  I'll admit I cried more than a little pre-pregnancy, during pregnancy and some post-pregnancy as well. I think probably pregnancy makes me crazy. And fat. That too. I gained back all my weight (I suspected I might) and we are kind of starting over again on a lot of fronts. However, I have felt firm confirmation we did the right thing, and that this sweet little girl was indeed meant to be part of our family for reasons we may not fully understand. I also feel a little better a little earlier than I have in past pregnancies. You may not think that eight months in a fog sounds better at all, but eight months is much better to me than the more typical year or two before I feel like a normal, motivated human being again.

Among other things, I've decided it's time to tackle my weight. Again! It's overwhelming but I think if I take it ten pounds at a time it will be easier. I won't be thin by summer, but I can't think of it that way. Ten pounds. Then another ten. I made my first attempt at a "green smoothie" today with spinach and blueberries, and the kids decided it tasted like sticks. Incidentally, how do they know what sticks taste like? Anyway, I added three full bananas and although it was then drinkable they've begged me to do it again but without the sticks next time. I assume they mean the spinach. I'm trying to incorporate more vegetables in my diet so they may have to just learn to adjust. My goal is a green smoothie for breakfast every day this week. Baby steps.

I think experiencing joy and creating joy are different phases I move back and forth between in my life. While I've struggled off and on with depression, even at my darkest I know I have moments where I've experienced joy like a flash of light or a beacon. Sometimes I didn't realize I was depressed because of those moments. I thought depression was being sad all the time. I know better now. Depression is lurking when I very rarely feel the drive, the desire or the energy to go about creating joy in my life and the lives of those around me. Something is missing inside. And I can tell when the cloud has lifted because I'm ready to embrace joy, and it lights my world not only like a firework, but like a candle inside, a combustible living flame that drives everything I do. I miss that, but I think I feel it's coming back. I feel like I'm coming back.

Little round robin, we may have more in common than anyone would think. :-)