New lease on life

So, I watched "The Biggest Loser" tonight on tv. I don't know what possessed me because we never watch evening television. (There's just not time!) However, I found myself struck by some of the things contestants said and was inspired to post. One woman in particular talked about how she feels more like herself than she has in years, as if the "she" she'd known before was hiding beneath the layers of fat.

For those who might not know, Justin and I have been losing weight this year, and I reached a milestone this week - 50 lbs! Yes, I've lost FIFTY POUNDS since March! It might not be the huge weights put up on the show but it's hugely significant for me. You see, I put on 50 lbs with my first pregnancy. Each successive pregnancy added a little to that first gain so I'm not exactly back to my married weight, but I AM buying clothes for the first time in sizes I have NEVER officially worn except as a brief stint in maternity.

And it's funny how I really DO feel more like myself than I have in years. I even had the crazy urge today to put some pink floyd in my ipod. I'm absolutely not thin, but I get excited about getting dressed in the morning! I have a renewed interest in fashion and more enthusiasm for family outings where before I hated shopping for clothes, and was self-conscious even going bowling because of my appearance. My house is staying cleaner (a little) and the kids are successfully following a job chart and reward system.

I'm probably wandering into sensitive territory here because I know everyone has that 5, 10, or 20 lbs they'd like to lose, and that doesn't mean they've lost themselves under the weight the way I did. But let's be honest here. Where you'd like to lose 10 I was hoping to lose 70. And my increased fondness for my bathroom scale  doesn't fix everything in my life obviously. I mean we still have our bad days and sometimes hours of course, and I still have plenty of worries that keep me up at night like everyone else (I'll save you and not list those here), but I really have felt a strange surreal delight to discover that the person I used to kind of like is still inside, she was just temporarily buried under XL clothing and regular doses of self-loathing. I think Shelly paid me my greatest compliment when I saw her over the summer when she said "It's like having my sister back again." Thanks Shelly, it's so good to be back!